According to the Woman's Aid Organisation (WAO) Malaysia, between 2014 and 2018, a shocking total of 26,551 cases of domestic violence were reported in Malaysia. The highest amount of cases was back in 2016 with a total of 5,796 cases being reported. Sadly, in 2018, there's still a really high amount with 5,421 cases reported.

As shown in the latest movie, The Invisible Man, the lead character, Cecilia was also suffering from a toxic relationship to the extend that she would try every way to escape from her abusive partner. From there, you could clearly see the horror of being in a toxic relationship.

Here we have listed down the early signs and red flags that you should look for to avoid becoming the next victim!

1. Disregarding Boundaries

Boundaries are crucial for a healthy relationship. It does not only keeps each partner sane from living in the same space together, but it also helps each partner to maintain their individuality. If your partner is not respecting your boundaries, such as barging into your workspace at home or opening the door to the bathroom without knocking, it shows that your needs and preferences are not as important as his own.

2. Extreme Possessiveness

It's okay if your partner checks in on you once in a while throughout the day. It would mean that he cares about you. However, if he constantly texts and calls you, asking about where you are and what you are doing, and still expecting an instant reply, he clearly has gone too far.

Instead of these kinds of questions, if he is constantly obsessing about your personal life, eg. how did you meet that guy friend or can he have your social media account passwords, don’t be afraid to decline and say no. Expect your boundaries to be respected. Pay attention to the response you get when asking for privacy. It should be accepted without question.

3. Verbal Abuse
  

It's okay to be a little sarcastic and joke about each other now and then. But notice when he is taking the joke too far.

These jokes and comments should not harm or ruin your self-worth and self-confidence. Or instead of making rude comments of you, he would make horrible and mean comments about others, especially about your friends and family. This not only causes you to feel embarrassed but it is also a big no-no. 

4. Controlling Behaviour

Control can exist in various aspects of a relationship - financially, physically, emotionally and mentally. Your partner may be financially controlling if he restricts your excess to money or credit cards and to what you buy and spend money on. This kind of person may also prevent his partner from getting or keeping a job.

Other than this kind of control, an abusive partner may also be really opinionated about your appearance, personality, and behavior, eg. how you would look like with your hair cut short, or how you should actually behave. All in all, if your partner shows any sign of control towards you, he is distrusting you of your ability to maintain those aspects of the relationship.

5. Isolation

Sure everyone loves quality alone time with their partner. But if your partner constantly ruins your time together out with friends and family by pulling you away to talk in private just so he can get some alone time with you, he has crossed the line.

Pay attention to how he reacts when you hang out with your friends and family. Is he possessive? Is he clingy? Does he encourage you to see your friends when you miss them? Abusers may also create drama and conflict among your friends and family and manipulate you into thinking that they are the only ones you can trust. 

6. "Starting Over" Together

Pay attention to the things that your partner suggests to you. If he suggests that both of you move to a place where you know no one or has no connections with, be careful. This is a sign that he only wants you to himself and only himself. He is trying to cut your connections with your family and your past. During this kind of situation, victims who agreed to follow their partner to a foreign place, a lot of times, are abused. So make sure to think twice before making such decisions.

7. Acts of Violence of any Kind

No matter what happens in a relationship, violence can never be tolerated. Be it, physical violence, punching the walls, throwing things at you or sexual abuse.

According to statistics and research, initial acts of violence take place just after an engagement, a wedding, or the birth of a child. If you notice any signs of violence prior to these milestones, get out as soon as you can. It will only get worse.

8. Narcissistic Behaviour

At first, it may look like confidence, but not long after, you'll realize that that is just extreme arrogance and ego. At its worst, it can be sociopathic narcissism. He would constantly bring others down to feel superior and will also find excuses for his irresponsible behaviors and blame others. 

In a nutshell, a relationship should make you feel safe and help you grow as a person along with your partner. If you feel like your rights and boundaries are threatened, don't be afraid to voice out. Seek help from those around you. 

You can also contact:

1. Women's Aid Organisation (WAO)

Hotline: +603 7956 3488

SMS/WhatsApp TINA: +6018 988 8058

2. Women's Centre for Change (WCC Penang)

Penang: +604 228 0342

Seberang Perai: +604 398 8340

3. All Women's Action Society (AWAM)

Office: +603 7877 4221

Helpline: +603 7877 0224 

Be sure to share this information to help more people out there!