Being the eldest daughter, especially in an Asian household, bears a warning: you'll probably have to spend forever healing your inner child that never got to be. 

Being the eldest daughter means our needs are often silenced by the demanding existence of our younger siblings. Being the eldest daughter means our childhood gets cut short to make way for our assigned role as the third parent. While it is an absolute joy to witness our younger siblings growing up sheltered and safe, we were often forced to do so at a much quicker pace. 

If you're the eldest daughter in an Asian household, you'll relate to these: 

People-pleasing is inherently ingrained in our nature.

One of the aftermaths of shouldering a multitude of responsibilities at a young age is the crippling need to ensure that, in everything that we do, no one should get hurt or dissatisfied, never. Not on our watch. Often, this happens at the expense of our own needs and emotional wellbeing. However, in the end, the fear of being a disappointment always outweighs our basic right to have boundaries. 

Our inability to ask for help. 

Maybe it's our trained hyper-independence or our paralyzing fear of ever coming across as vulnerable, but the word "help" almost never escapes our mouths. Being the big sister, we like to maintain a tough exterior and we try our best to hide our ragged edges. Having weakness is a luxury we'll deliberately deprive ourselves of for we're afraid that if we crumble just a little, everything else will follow suit. 

So we bite our tongue and soldier on. 

Our fear of asking too much. 

The eldest daughter urge to never stray too far from the bare minimum, for fear of taking up too much space. Growing up, we're used to getting the hand-me-downs, having our wants put aside while our younger siblings get the better presents, always the secondary caretaker at the park or at the beach while our younger siblings were free to have the time of their lives while we watched from a safe distance, etc. In time, we learned to keep our desires to ourselves and to be thankful for whatever we're given. 

"What do you want?" is a question we'll always fail to answer because we were never given the privilege to be put first. 

If you're the eldest daughter in an Asian household and no one told you this today, you're doing a great job. You deserve all the credit, even if you refuse to. This might be hard to do, but allow yourself to be offered help sometimes. Also, setting boundaries can feel difficult at first, but you'll be doing yourself a favor. Remember that "No," is an appropriate response, too. 

The world isn't your burden to carry, so relax your shoulders.